This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
