i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
What a dumb baby whore.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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