why didn't you poke me back
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
