i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
