I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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