Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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