I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
worst night to have a conscience
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
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