Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
