Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
