We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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