so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
