I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Randomize
