i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize