RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
