I have demons in me.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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