all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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