dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
