trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
