I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
