I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
