I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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