You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
