When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
There are leaves in my underwear?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
