and you said cock pushups were impossible
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize