my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
