Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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