I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
