I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
