now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
