Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
