I have demons in me.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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