If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
