She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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