I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
