two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
