as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
