Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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