If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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