Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
