I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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