I just threw up on my dentist
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
