I accidentally had phone sex last night
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
