White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Come see our sink grown plant.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
