Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
