If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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