He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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