im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm just crazy horny about you
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
