My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
