Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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