This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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