why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
