so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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