Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
this will be a night to untag.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
