She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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