note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
