theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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