careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize