our cab driver is having phone sex.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
