You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
