I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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