Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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