You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
