I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
