well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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