Need sex. Gaining weight.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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