every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
