hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
