one might say we're banned from that church
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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