I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My vagina just recognized that song.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
