My room smells like vodka and shame
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
