Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
