Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My feet surprised me
Randomize
