I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
