The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Say something about gay babies.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
