Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
