your parents love me but you hate me
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
